ARRA News Service
News for social, fiscal & national security conservatives who believe in God, family & the USA. Upholding the rights granted by God & guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution, traditional family values, "republican" principles / ideals, transparent & limited "smaller" government, free markets, lower taxes, due process of law, liberty & individual freedom. Content approval rests with the ARRA News Service Editor. Opinions are those of the authors. While varied positions are reported, beliefs & principles remain fixed. No revenue is generated for or by this site - no paid ads - no payments for articles. Fair Use doctrine is posted & used.
Editor/Founder: Bill Smith, Ph.D. [aka: OzarkGuru & 2010 AFP National Blogger of the Year]
Contact: (Pub. Since July, 2006)
    Home Page

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. -- Plato (429-347 BC)

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

The Soda Jerk Has More Rules

By Jared McAndersen, aka "The Looking Spoon":
Yid With Lid offers an "exclusive" insight into more "alleged" "Soda Jerk" proposed rules:

(when on a step-ladder)
To: Staff
From: Emperor Bloomberg

We have decided to add additional regulation once the 16+ ounce ban is approved (and trust me, it WILL be approved).  Below is a list of the items needing regulation. We wish you to begin work on the formal language and get back to us by next week.

New Regulations:
  • Running with scissors will now be punishable with hard prison time.
  •  As the newly appointed director of environmental protection, Sheryl Crow will have "police powers" to regulate the use of toilet tissue.  Anybody using more than one square at-a-time will be prevented from making purchases of toilet paper for a period of no more than one year.  Families that re-use their paper will get a break on property taxes.
  • Ms Crow will have the power to break into your home and examine the toilet contents before they are flushed.
  • Any coffee or other hot beverage (decaf of course) must be consumed in a cup holding no more than 10 ounces.  The cup must be brought to one's mouth via the right hand, with the outside digit on that hand extended outwards.
  • It is our order that fans of the NY Football Giants who live within the NY City limits will no longer be able to paint their faces and bodies blue--heck, we saw what happened to the lady painted gold in the James Bond movie Goldfinger.
  • Fans of the NY Jets will still be allowed to paint themselves green as they are promoting the correct environmental policies.
  • All Manhattan roads will be forever closed to traffic with the exception of 34th, 59th and 125th streets as they exit the Midtown Tunnel, Ed Koch Queensboro Bridge (a.k.a the 59th St. Bridge) and the Triborough Bridge [that last bridge is now called the Robert F. Kennedy Bridge, which is a bit ironic when you note that Kennedy's younger brother had a famous difficulty with driving over bridges.]There will be no stopping or parking on those streets as drivers will only be allowed to go from Queens to New Jersey and back (for those of you who have never been to NYC, Queens is the borough with tons of cemeteries and a dead baseball team).
  • Economically disadvantaged people with squeegees will be allowed to wait on the Manhattan side of the above river crossings as well as the Lincoln and Holland tunnels. They will be allowed push drivers into allowing the "cleaning" of their windshields as long as their squeegees are sterilized each evening with distilled water.  
  • All Bars, Pubs and Taverns operating within the city limits must display a large banner with the following words. “In case of bar fight, PLEASE, no hitting near the mouth. Your mother paid a lot for the orthodontic work!”
  • Stores selling meats will no longer be allowed to sell packages of chicken with only white meat breasts or dark meat wings. We want to ensure that this city remains diverse and inclusive.
  • When the temperature falls below 50 degrees, all buses, trains and taxis operating in the city are prohibited from allowing people to board their vehicles if they are not wearing the proper hat and overcoat. Instead they will be sent home for the proper attire. Umbrellas and galoshes will be required on rainy days. Otherwise those people will catch a cold and/or flu, infecting the entire vehicle and driving up medical costs across the city.
  • Abortion because of gender selection is allowed in our city.  There is nothing worse than trampling on women's rights by barring them from killing female fetuses.
So may it be written, so it may be done!
-From The Office Of The Royal We

Tags: humor, satire, The Looking Spoon, Yid With Lid, Soda Jerk, Michael Bloomberg, rules, To share or post to your site, click on "Post Link". Please mention / link to the ARRA News Service. Thanks!
Posted by Bill Smith at 6:00 PM - Post Link


Anonymous Babs Wheel said...

I understand that Bloomberg's brain is also < 16oz.

Anonymous Tex Reynolds said...

Are we sure Bloomberg's brain isn't just a quarter pounder?


Post a Comment

<< Home

View U.S. National Debt

Don't miss anything!
Subscribe to the
ARRA News Service
It's FREE & No Ads!

You will receive a verification email
& must validate you subscribed!

You Then Receive One Email Each AM
With Prior Days Articles / Toons / More

Also, Join us at:

Recent Posts:
Personal Tweets by the editor:
Dr. Bill - OzarkGuru - @arra
#Christian Conservative; Retired USAF & Grad Professor. Constitution NRA ProLife schoolchoice fairtax - Editor ARRA NEWS SERVICE. THANKS FOR FOLLOWING!

Action Links!
State Upper & Lower House Members
State Attorney Generals
State Governors
The White House
US House of Representatives
US Senators

Facebook Accts - Dr. Bill Smith
ARRA News Service
Arkansans Against Big Government
Alley-White Am. Legion #52
Catholics & Protestants United Against Discrimination
End Taxpayer Funding of NPR
Overturn Roe V. Wade
Prolife Soldiers
Project Wildfire 4 Life
Republican Liberty Caucus of Arkansas
The Gold Standard
US Atty Gen Loretta Lynch, aka Eric Holder, Must Go
Veterans for Sarah Palin
Why Vote for Hillary (Satire)
FB Groups:
Arkansas For Sarah Palin
Arkansas Conservative Caucus
Arkansas County Tea Party
Arkansans' Discussion Group on National Issues
Blogs for Borders
Conservative Solutions
Conservative Voices
Defend Marriage -- Arkansas
FairTax Nation
Arkansas for FairTax
Friends of the TEA Party in Arkansas
Freedom Roundtable
Pro-Life Rocks - Arkansas
Republican Network
Republican Liberty Caucus of AR
Reject the U.N.


Request Via
Article Comment

Links to ARRA News
A Patriotic Nurse
Agora Associates
a12iggymom's Blog
America, You Asked For It!
Americans for a Free Republic
America's Best Choice
ARRA News Twitter
As The Crackerhead Crumbles
Blogs For Borders
Blogs for Palin
Blow the Trumpet Ministry
Boot Berryism
Cap'n Bob & the Damsel
Chicago Ray Report
Chuck Baldwin - links
Common Cents
Conservative Voices
Defeat Obama's Agenda
Diana's Corner
Greater Fitchburg For Life
Lasting Liberty Blog
Liberal Isn't Amy
Maggie's Notebook
Marathon Pundit
Patriot's Corner
Right on Issues that Matter
Right Reason
Rocking on the Right Side
Saber Point
Saline Watchdog
Secure Arkansas
Sultan Knish
The Blue Eye View
The Born Again Americans
TEA Party Cartoons
The Foxhole | Unapologetic Patriot
The Liberty Republican
The Lid
The Maritime Sentry
The O Word
The Path to Tyranny Blog
The Real Polichick
The War on Guns
Twitter @ARRA
Underground Notes
Warning Signs
Women's Prayer & Action

Editor's Managed Twitter Accounts
Twitter Dr. Bill Smith @arra
Twitter Arkansas @GOPNetwork
Twitter @BootBerryism
Twitter @SovereignAllies
Twitter @FairTaxNation

Editor's Recommended Orgs
Accuracy in Media (AIM)
American Action Forum (AAF)
American Committment
American Culture & Faith Institute
American Enterprise Institute
American Family Business Institute
Americans for Limited Government
Americans for Prosperity
Americans for Tax Reform
American Security Council Fdn
AR Faith & Ethics Council
Arkansas Policy Foundation
Ayn Rand Institute
Bill of Rights Institute
Campaign for Working Families
CATO Institute
Center for Individual Freedom
Center for Immigration Studies
Center for Just Society
Center for Freedom & Prosperity
Citizens Against Gov't Waste
Citizens in Charge Foundstion
Coalition for the Future American Worker
Competitive Enterprise Institute
Concerned Veterans for America
Concerned Women for America
Declaration of Am. Renewal
Eagle Forum
Family Research Council
Family Security Matters
Franklin Center for Gov't & Public Integrity
Freedom Works
Gingrich Productions
Global Incident Map
Great Americans
Gold Standard 2012 Project
Gun Owners of America (GOA)
Heritage Action for America
David Horowitz Freedom Center
Institute For Justice
Institute for Truth in Accounting
Intercollegiate Studies Institute
Judicial Watch
Less Government
Media Reseach Center
National Center for Policy Analysis
National Right To Work Foundation
National Rifle Association (NRA)
National Rifle Association (NRA-ILA)
News Busters
O'Bluejacket's Patriotic Flicks
Open Secrets
Presidential Prayer Team
Religious Freedom Coalition
Renew America
Ron Paul Institute
State Policy Network
Tax Foundation
Tax Policy Center
The Club for Growth
The Federalist
The Gold Standard Now
The Heritage Foundation
The Leadership Institute
Truth in Accounting
Union Facts

Blogs For Borders

Reject the United Nations

Adopt Our Troops in Prayer

Thousands of Deadly Islamic Terror Attacks Since 9/11

FairTax Nation on FaceBook
Friends of Israel - Stand with Israel
Blog Feeds
Syndicated - Get the ARRA News Service feed Syndicated!
ARRA Blog Feed

Add to Google Reader or Homepage

Add to The Free Dictionary

Powered by Blogger

  • To Exchange Links - Email:!
  • Comments by contributing authors or other sources do not necessarily reflect the position the editor, other contributing authors, sources, readers, or commenters. No contributors, or editors are paid for articles, images, cartoons, etc. While having reported on and promoting beliefs associated with the former Arkansas Republican Assemblies (ARRA), this blog/site is controlled and supported by the editor. This site/blog does not advertise for money or services nor does it solicit funding for its support.
  • Fair Use: This site/blog may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. Such material is made available to advance understanding of political, human rights, economic, democracy, and social justice issues, etc. This constitutes a 'fair use' of such copyrighted material as provided for in section Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107 of the US Copyright Law. Per said section, the material on this site/blog is distributed without profit to readers to view for the expressed purpose of viewing the included information for research, educational, or satirical purposes. Any person/entity seeking to use copyrighted material shared on this site/blog for purposes that go beyond "fair use," must obtain permission from the copyright owner.
  • © 2006 - 2018 ARRA News Service
Creative Commons License
Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.