Heaviest Element Yet - Discovered!

With the current ongoing development of a transformation about to occur in January in Washington D.C., "Jay L", a reader, suggested confirmation the discovery of this element. So we assigned this job to the Ozark Guru.
by Ozark Guru: In the last couple years, word has leaked via the Internet that research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. Although the new element has been confirmed by professionals and amateurs, it appears that scientist have not wanted to replace radioactive Ununoctium (118) on the periodic table. The radioactive ununoctium atom is very unstable, and since 2002, only three atoms of the isotope Uuo have been detected. Scientists fear that once "Uuo" is replaced at the end of the period table by the heaviest element, this annotation will lead to limited funding to chase after after creating, "finding." a forth "Uuo" atom. These scientist having nothing to fear but should readily support updating the period table because their opportunities for more funding can be expected to increase not decrease.

The discovery of the newest element is not actually new! Its discovery, although affecting everyone, seems to been kept "officially" secret by government bureaucrats for some time. Note that on Aug 11, 2001, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger visited the Lawrence Livermore National Labatory's National Ignition Facility. Schwarzenegger has been constantly plagued by California financial crisis and it was rumored that he want to find something new to "pump up" the California "girly-man" economy as the newest element was a drag on his administration..

In addition, some confusion occurred previously when an amateur working for the Democrat Underground Latent Laboratory (DULL) tried to calculate calculating the weight of an expectant newly found element and excitedly called the new element Bushcronium. However, the amateur also worked for the government as a moron. The moron miscalculated the atomic mass (weight) and also failed to note that over different time period the neutrons may exchange form.

A review of published, limited data, showed that a major research institution (MRI) has confirmed the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. While some alleged that California's M&M Univ. was the MRI, this claim has been debunked. President Pea Nut of M&M relayed that their M&M lab (in the M&M Discovery College's M&M Science Dept) using a research grant had discovered a new non-radioactive but addictive element that may add more gaiety to food coloring. They hope to market the element to their sole unnamed financial contributor.

MRI has identified the new element as

"Governmentium" (Gv), Gv has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. However, neutrons may exchange form during different time periods. These 312 particles are held together by forces called "morons," which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called "peons." Since "Governmentium" has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of "Governmentium" can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete. "Governmentium" has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, "Governmentium's" mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming "isodopes." This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that "Governmentium" is formed whenever morons reach a critical mass concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, "Governmentium" becomes "Administratium," an element that radiates even less energy but has double the mass of "Governmentium," since it has half as many "peons" but twice as many "morons."

In available research footnotes, the following notations were found:
- some are concerned that the element may actually have an expanding life expectancy and may find a way to expand it sown atomic weight to 535.
- the DULL moron who miscalculated the element weight did noted correctly one of the a property of Gv; the element may can spontaneously transmute itself in to other forms like Pandemonium (Pm). Others are Earmarks (Eaks), Bailouts (BOs), Pandering (PG), Taxation (Tax), . . .
Others with info or opinions about this new element, should leave your comments at the link below!

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