Sixteen Reasons Why We Simply Must Re-elect President Trump

After four years of illegitimate and fruitless assault on Trump by the piranhas and blood-sucking leeches of the deep swamp, it's time the same among us enjoy four more years of laughs at their expense.
by Pem Schaeffer: It goes without saying that we must re-elect President Trump to protect, preserve, and defend our Union, our Constitution, and the essence of liberty that is America.  By every policy measure you can imagine, President Trump is the overwhelming choice, and Joe Biden is the road to hell choice. As amply shown in recent revelations, Biden's road to hell is paved with bad intentions, regardless of his assurances otherwise. He's already given Kamala authorization to issue “left full rudder” orders for the Ship of State on the morning of January 21st. And Hunter will be at her side to carry forward the family traditions.

There are other reasons though, and we thought we'd list some of them here for your amusement.

1. It's simply too delicious to watch Joy Behar and her comrades on “The View” dissolve into puddles of primordial soup as they discuss any aspect of Trump's existence and holding of the office of President.

2. Watching Juan Williams of “The Five” try to convince everyone that Trump appearing on the White House balcony without a mask puts all viewers at risk for catching the virus through their TV screens is similarly delightful. We hope it might lead to his termination, if not brutal beat-downs by Jesse Watters and Greg Gutfeld first.

3. Anticipating the melting-down of Hillary Clinton like a Madame Trousseau Wax Figure in a hot yoga class should exceed the pleasures of the highest form of Tantric sexual oneness.

4. Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, Chicago, New York City, and the other leaders in the revolution owe it to the rest of us to follow through and complete their self-immolation. Let them go scorched earth, and let the surviving denizens get down on their knees and beg for admission into the real America in which the rest of us live. I'm thinking five years on the waiting list before entry; is that too lenient?

5. CNN, MSNBC, and the “big 3” network's superstars will provide endless, once in a lifetime displays of live, on screen nervous breakdowns that can't be matched by Hollywood's finest actors and actresses. The mindless stares of Cuomo, Anderson, Lemon and the rest may be etched into the screens of last generation TVs.

6. Unless Trump wins, instead of a Chinese Restaurant in every town, no matter how small and remote, there will be a Chinese Restaurant on every block of every town, no matter how small and remote.

7. Unless Trump wins, the Ivory Towers of Higher Education will be torn down and replaced by Confucian Shrines.

8. The sewage overflow in the District of Columbia, lovingly referred to as “the swamp,” will begin to subside to civilized levels, requiring nothing more than Wellies for safe passage.

9. Adam Schiff, Nancy Pelosi, and Gerald Nadler will be forced to remake “One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest,” with Maxine Waters cast in the role of Nurse Ratched for purposes of diversity.

10. Chuck Schumer, Dick Durbin, and other leaders of the Democrat senate minority will catch the Biden 20 virus, a nearly incurable malady that causes its victims to lose touch with reality, but inexplicably gives them world-class pearly white smiles to distract unsuspecting voters and nearby cisfemales.

(OK; so I lied about only ten reasons)
11. Subaru owners in Maine will take their aging chariots to their Dermatologist to have the Gore-Lieberman and Kerry-Edwards stickers frozen so they can be chipped off the paint.

12. “Everybody's Uncle” Joe can finally have that ear thingy surgically removed, and untape the wires from his chest.

13. College campuses will be strewn with weeping faculty and students, affirming how most of them don't have the intellectual maturity, emotional maturity, or depth of character to be where they are.

14. Various “traditional media” outlets will join The Weekly Standard on the ash heap of Journalism.

15. Nancy Pelosi will poke her eye out with her $100 finger nails while furiously waving her hands on camera in response to election results. A close up reveals that her God-given eyebrows are an inch below her made-up ones.

16. And finally, can I have a drum roll please, the top reason we need to re-elect Donald Trump:

So we can commission a CGI remake of Beetlejuice the movie, in which Michael Keaton reprises his role in the Day-O Dinner Table scene, hexing Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, Gerry Nadler, Adam Schiff, “The Squad,” Jim Comey, John Brennan, and Jim Clapper to dance bewitched to the strains of “Daylight Come and Me Wan Go Home”, while Hunter Biden slowly roasts on a spit in the center of the dinner table, double Covid masks clearly in place. In the background, other ruling class bit players sway and sing to the irresistible Harry Belafonte classic.
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Pem Schaeffer is a retired engineer who progressed to a position in business development leadership in defense electronics. He lives and writes in Brunswick, Maine, and blogs ot The Other Side of Town. H/T Turnng Point USA.

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